


Feeling Good

by AnnetheCatDetective



Category: St. Elsewhere
Genre: (very light on the angst), Angst and Fluff and Smut, Laughter During Sex, M/M, Mild Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 08:03:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17382803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnetheCatDetective/pseuds/AnnetheCatDetective
Summary: Jack has a question for Victor, and he hopes the answer will make everything feel a little more right. The two of them take their relationship further-- and discuss what else they might add in next time.





	Feeling Good

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SegaBarrett](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SegaBarrett/gifts).



    “I need something.” Jack says. His voice is soft and just a little faraway. They’ve been lying in bed, needing sleep and not getting it. Needing this more, Victor guesses, but whatever else Jack needs…

 

    “I’ll give it to you.” He promises, lifting his head from Jack’s chest. He’s too tall to be down so low in the bed, but it’s worth some curling up small to be able to keep his ear to Jack’s heartbeat some nights. Up nice and close like this, he can see Jack just fine even with his glasses off over on the nightstand-- where Jack had carefully folded and placed them for him. He’s been known to fall asleep in them, but for snuggling his face down into Jack’s chest, it is more comfortable not to have them on. And Jack does so much for him, and he just wants… he wants to give it back. “I’ll give you anything.”

 

    “I know.” Jack smiles, and his fingers card through Victor’s hair. “I just don’t know what it is.”

 

    “Well do you think it might be, uh…?” He trails a finger down from the center of Jack’s chest to the waistband of his pajamas. He braces himself for an accusation that doesn’t come. “I mean and it can be all about you! If you think the answer might be getting a blowjob and going to sleep, that’s fine!”

 

    “You…” Jack snorts softly, cupping Victor’s cheek. And he’s ready for it at that, is usually ready to hear he’s a pig even if he doesn’t like it, but Jack just gazes at him like he’s the best thing that could be happening to him somehow. “You’re too eager to please. No, it’s not that.”

 

    “I mean I’m not saying I’d get nothing out of it…”

 

    “No, it’s… I don’t know. I want to feel like me again. I haven’t had that a whole lot lately, except when I’m with you. But it’s…”

 

    “You don’t have to say any more.” Victor scoots up higher, trailing fingertips along Jack’s jaw a moment before kissing him. “It’s been… one hell of a year.”

 

    “One hell of a little longer than that. But yeah. More than usual, one hell of a year.”

 

    “Just tell me what you need, Jack, I’ll do it.”

 

    “Live with me.”

 

    Victor pauses. He’d been expecting something a lot closer to the blowjob thing, even if that wasn’t exactly it. He hadn’t been expecting this. Could he do that? Give up his own space where everything is his way, live with Jack full-time?

 

    Pro: Jack. Who’s asking him, who’d be happy if he said yes, who he could fall asleep next to at every opportunity they both have to sleep at home.

 

    Con: Jack is the least organized person-- well, no. Not the least. Definitely not the least, he’d be the third or fourth least organized person Victor would have ever lived with, actually. But not the most.

 

    Pro: Jack has no organization system to speak of which would clash with the Victor Ehrlich Method.

 

    Con: What the neighbors might think.

 

    Pro: Sex with Jack, no scheduling dates, just having energy on the same nights when possible. Even just trading handjobs when they’re not up to more is better than being alone.

 

    Con: Being relegated to the sofa if Jack was to really need space.

 

    Pro: The sharing of household chores.

 

    Con: The sharing of household chores.

 

    Pro: Pete could grow up thinking of him as a second parent.

 

    Con: How do you teach a kid not to talk about his family when he’s too young to understand why he shouldn’t? Especially when his vocabulary is growing in leaps and bounds…

 

    Pro: Halving his rent.

 

    Con: Anyone finding out would ruin both of them.

 

    Pro: Carpooling.

 

    Con:

 

    Pro: Being there.

 

    Con:

 

    Pro: How it feels, now, like this, a feeling he could have all the time.

 

    Con: The state of Jack’s closet, and how he’d have to add in his own things.

 

    Pro: There’s plenty of room and Jack would probably let him organize that closet.

 

    Con: Choosing whose furniture to use.

 

    Pro: The commute from Jack’s place is shorter.

 

    Con:

 

    Pro: He’s in love with him and he wants to.

 

    Con:

 

    Well, that settles it, then. The Pro column has it.

 

    “Yes.” Victor whispers, wrapping himself around Jack and nuzzling at his ear. “Yeah, I’d like that. I’ll start bringing stuff over.”

 

    “Great.” Jack sighs, holding on tight. “That’s great.”

 

    “I love you.”

 

    “Mm, love you, too. And if that’s the case, there’s… _one_ other thing you could do for me.”

 

    “The blowjob?”

 

    “Not quite.” He laughs, taking one arm from around Victor and stretching out towards the nightstand. A little fishing through the drawer, and he comes out with a packet of lube. The kind of one-and-done single serving amount you’d need for a rectal exam, which...

 

    “Did you steal that from work?”

 

    “I think ‘steal’ is a strong word.”

 

    “I think you stole that from work.” Victor grins, kissing Jack’s neck. “How many of those do you have?”

 

    “Just one. I mean… once it’s a handful then it’s stealing, but one, you know… one is just one of those things that happens.” He goes from laughing to serious, and so Victor lifts his head, taking in the hint of worry, the somewhat thoughtful frown. “Victor, I want us to be able to _enjoy_ things together, you know?”

 

    “I know.” He drops a kiss to his shoulder. “Did you have something in mind?”

 

    “Well, yeah. You. I mean… Us. I mean…” Jack’s hand drifts down to squeeze Victor’s hip. “I want you to make love to me. I want to be able to look into your eyes. I want… this.”

 

    “Well then you should have stolen a whole handful of those things if you didn’t want to go buy some.”

 

    “I’ll buy some, I’ll-- I’ll work my way up to buying some. What, you don’t want to?”

 

    “Baby, you have no _idea_ how much I want to. But I don’t think this is enough. I mean… I don’t want to _hurt_ you.”

 

    He shrugs, helpless, and Jack cups his cheek, guiding him back in, their foreheads resting together a moment before he tilts up for a kiss.

 

    “You’re not going to. I’ll man up and buy us the lube… You won’t hurt me, Victor.”

 

    “Well, I mean, I could… I could just finger you a little. Just to see how that goes.” He picks up the packet, from where it had been dropped on the bedspread. “If you want?”

 

    “Yeah?”

 

    “Sure. You never just fingered a girl who didn’t want to go all the way?”

 

    “My first girlfriend, that’s about as far as we got.” Jack snorts. “And according to her I did it wrong. But that’s first times for you… I was seventeen. Didn’t even care that she didn’t want to touch me back, it was just that… discovery. You know? Touching someone for the first time and feeling like Columbus.”

 

    “I was pretty young my first time.” Victor nods. “It was… wild.”

 

    “Yeah?”

 

    “Yeah. It was… I mean, I was at that age where you don’t say no to anything a girl wants to do to you, much less-- Look, I’m not here to brag about anything or-- Just… You know what it’s like. You feel ready for everything. And about two minutes in, you think ‘I might not be ready for this’, but at that age, a first time, two minutes in is about as far as it gets. So, I mean, I’ve definitely come a long way, myself. Much better at stamina.” He says, grinning when Jack chuckles softly and nods. “Did you think it would be like that all over again? I mean-- being with another guy for the first time?”

 

    “Well… we’re older. We know ourselves a little better. We know what the equipment’s like.” Jack trails his fingertips up and down Victor’s back. “And we’ve got stamina going for us. But I’d say there’s still a little of that feeling. Discovering something new…”

 

    “Feeling like you’ve invented sex.” He laughs. “We could do that…”

 

    “Yeah? Invent a little something? Imagine we’re the first? And nobody else knows what they’re doing… just us. We’ve got the secret.” He pulls Victor in for another brief kiss, before reaching for the drawer again. “Victor? Take me somewhere new.”

 

    “Anywhere you want.” Victor promises, kisses Jack’s face and throat a few more times before he finally turns to focus on what else he’d grabbed. “You steal that from work, too?”

 

    Jack throws the glove at his face. “Are you complaining?”

 

    “No. I mean… it’s not very sexy.”

 

    “Sure it is. Just put it on _slowly_.”

 

    Victor hums a couple of bars of The Stripper, pulling the glove off an inch for every two inches he pulls it on, until Jack is laughing, hard.

 

    “Does that do it for you, baby?”

 

    “Oh, yeah.” Jack wipes at one eye, grinning.

 

    “Let me warm this up-- let me warm _this_ up.” Victor waggles his fingers. “I always have cold hands… It matters less when your patients are all anaesthetitized… I think it matters for this.”

 

    Jack strips out of his pajama pants and boxers, while Victor jams hand and lube packet both under his arm to warm up, both of them dissolving back into snickers when their eyes meet.

 

    “In my mind, this was all very sexy.” Victor apologizes.

 

    “It’s sexy. You’re sexy.” Jack promises, nudging at him.

 

    “Get me my glasses? I really want to be able to see what I’m doing.”

 

    “Oh, you _don’t_ want your face three inches from my ass?” Jack grabs for them, unfolding them carefully. “C’mere, honey, I’ve got you. There you go...”

 

    Victor leans in and lets Jack slide them into place for him, and lets him steal a kiss-- not that he needs to steal his kisses.

 

    “I want to be able to look at all of you at once.” Victor kisses Jack’s knee. “If I’ve got my face three inches from anything, I don’t get to see the rest of you. I want to see your face.”

 

    “You wouldn’t be missing much.”

 

    “I want to see your _face_. I want to know you’re having a good time. And hey, I like your face.”

 

    Jack reaches out to him again, pushing the hair back from his forehead. “Okay.”

 

    “Okay?”

 

    “Yeah.”

 

    “I mean are you going to tell me I have terrible taste?”

 

    “Just in men. I’m kidding-- I’m glad you like my face. I like your face. And I think you look good in your glasses, too, so any time you want to wear those in bed is fine with me. Now come on… you’re warm enough, just _touch_ me.”

 

    “Well I want it to be comfortable…”

 

    “I’ll be comfortable. Just touch me, just talk to me. Just let me look at you.”

 

    Victor nods, and Jack gets himself propped up with their pillows, spreads his legs for Victor to kneel between. Victor strokes Jack’s thigh with his ungloved hand first, before tearing the lube packet open.

 

    “Just tell me if you hate it. I mean… this is a pretty low-risk experiment. You’re not going to say ‘stop’ and leave me on the edge of something. So… this one’s all about you.”

 

    “You give me a hand and I’ll give you one after, how’s that?”

 

    “Oh, I like that.” Victor grins, and he kisses Jack’s knee again, before leaning down and craning his neck a little just to make sure he’s got an eye on what he’s doing. It’s… it’s a nice view. Everything had been abstract, before. You’d look at a nice ass-- or at least he would-- and it would inspire a definite sexual feeling, but not necessarily put him in mind of the act. There might be some desires involved, little sparks of ideas firing off in the brain, the thought of squeezing, and if he let himself really sink into the fantasy, maybe a little more than just that.

 

    This, though… He takes his time just spreading a little lube around the hole, as gentle as possible, anxious over the thought of a sudden call to stop. He looks between what he’s doing and Jack’s face, though, and Jack is just watching him, relaxed, his eyes half-lidded. He definitely doesn’t look like a man who wants to stop… and this, this is mesmerizing in a way Victor was never prepared for, to watch himself touching Jack this way, to watch the slight twitches of muscle… to see how slick everything looks with the lube, and how Jack spreads his legs wider and settles.

 

    “You really are something…” He sighs. “Jack, baby, you’ve got no idea. You’ve got no idea how hot this is.”

 

    “Yeah? I was kind of worried it might not be the most inspiring view…”

 

    “No, it’s a very good view.”

 

    “I thought about shaving the, uh… general area.” Jack chuckles softly-- Victor looks up to catch him blushing. “And then I thought I’d probably better not.”

 

    “Not with the razor you use on your face, no.”

 

    “No, I was going to use the one you use on your face.” He jokes. “No, I just… I wasn’t sure if it was… How it all looks, or… Or what other guys do when they’re hoping their boyfriends might, you know… might want to try this for the first time.”

 

    “I’m a pretty easy sell, Jack, I’ll be honest.” He teases him with a little more pressure, circling his hole, the easy slide of his finger with how much lube he’s already spread around. “One look at your ass and I’m all systems go. I’m not sure if the amount of hair would have any kind of bearing. I hear the all-natural look is on the way out--”

 

    “Oh, you hear?”

 

    “I pick up the occasional waiting room magazine. But I mean I think that’s just for women, I think we still get to… You know. Well, I mean, on _us_ it’s virile.” He shrugs. “You feel good?”

 

    “I feel good.” Jack sighs, and stretches out a little before relaxing once more. “Virile, huh?”

 

    “ _Potent_. Masculine. However you want to put it. I mean if you wanted to try, I’d shave you, I’ve got steady hands and I like the vantage point. But let’s not go crazy.”

 

    “Sure. Let’s not go crazy.”

 

    “I mean… do you have-- do you have preferences?”

 

    “No.” Jack smiles, pushing himself up so that he can reach out, finding Victor’s free hand for just a quick squeeze. “But I like you being _potent_. Masculine.”

 

    “You’re teasing me.”

 

    “ _You’re_ teasing _me_.”

 

    “Yeah.” Victor grins, pushing in-- just barely, but Jack is relaxed enough, doesn’t tense up at it, just bears down to let him slide in, and Victor does, just to the first knuckle, pauses. “I am. You feel good?”

 

    “I feel good.” He nods. “You don’t have to go so slow.”

 

    “But I’m teasing you.” Victor leans down and gets one of Jack’s legs up over his shoulder, so that he can nuzzle along his thigh. “You like that?”

 

    Jack hums, arching his back, and Victor slides his finger in a little deeper, not deep enough, just marveling at the way it feels to be in him, and how he imagines it might be…

 

    “Baby, baby, next time…” He leaves a line of wet and greedy kisses back up Jack’s thigh, presses his face into the side of Jack’s knee and takes a deep breath. “Next time, Jack, I’m gonna be in you, I’m-- oh, you’re so tight… Jack, you have no idea, you really-- I really-- _like_ this. Jack, tell me you--”

 

    “Yeah. I think I do. Give me more… give me a little more, you gotta--”

 

    “Yeah.” Victor nods. “I’ve never done this facing someone before… I mean--”

 

    “I know.” Jack’s soft laugh is cut short when Victor finds his prostate and goes from gentle and hesitant to really kneading at it, and he sinks back into the pillows with a groan. “ _Oh_ \-- Victor, yeah…”

 

    “Good?”

 

    “Victor…” Jack’s breathing isn’t ragged, but it’s heavier than it was a moment before. Even. in a way that suggests he’s focused on keeping it even. “ _Yeah_.”

 

    “What’s it feel like?” Victor asks, watching Jack’s cock twitch in response as he rubs at the gland. Outside of an exam, he’s got no personal experience-- and that exam had not been what he’d call pleasurable. Jack’s on cloud nine, and he’d worried they would start and realize they couldn’t, that this just wasn’t going to be something they could enjoy, that they’d never really… but the way Jack moves with him, the way his body opens up and takes Victor’s finger in like he’s always just been waiting for this...

 

    “It’s like coming… except it doesn’t stop.” He reaches for Victor’s free hand again. “It’s… this is…”

 

    “Talk to me, baby.” He meets him, lacing their fingers together. “Tell me all about it, you feel so good, so _hot_ how tight you are, how you _move_ …”

 

    “It’s like… oh, oh, Victor… it all just keeps… there’s just _more_. Everywhere.” He licks his lips, squeezes Victor’s hand. “All of me, it just feels _good_.”

 

    “Good, I want you to feel good.” He kisses Jack’s knee again. “All I want-- You just need someone to make things good for you, Jack, after everything, after everything, you just need someone to make it good, and I want it to be me, I always wanted…”

 

    Jack moans, and there’s something about the way he rolls his hips, the way he demands everything Victor can really give him with a fingering, and the way the rest of him just seems to relax into the pleasure of it when he gets it. There’s something about the way he stretches and arches his back, the way his arms rest crossed over his head a moment before he returns one hand to Victor’s, and if Victor was inside him, he…

 

    Victor closes his eyes a moment, and leaves another row of kisses along Jack’s thigh. Not yet, not yet… someday, maybe soon, but not yet. And not…

 

    He can’t. He can’t do everything. He can’t possibly-- There are things he doesn’t know if he’s even ready to think about. Whenever his brain skirts too close, it makes his stomach churn and his hands feel weak and shaky. Things he might have wanted, if… Things he can’t ask of him, even living together. The idea of hurting Jack or scaring him off is the worst thing Victor can think of, when Jack just deserves so much good. He’s paid his dues where suffering is concerned, he deserves to be treated softly, sweetly. He deserves to lie back against a stack of pillows and to have someone else focused solely on his pleasure, he deserves to sleep through the night every now and then and to let someone else handle things.

 

    There’s a life Victor dreams of giving him. A house with a white picket fence, a car that isn’t in the shop half the time, a good neighborhood with good schools, and it’s not like Jack wouldn’t be working too, hell… Victor’s got three good years to go before he can hope for a fellowship, and then he’s got to get all the certification done, it’s not like he’s in a position yet to do all those things, and anyway, Jack’s dedication to helping people is a big part of his appeal, the time they get to spend together at work when they’re between patients is time they wouldn’t have if they weren’t both working, but he _likes_ the idea of taking care of Jack, and he does think Jack deserves it. He thinks Jack’s suffered enough in life and someone ought to be sweet to him as much as possible. And pinning him down and leaving marks isn’t very sweet, he doesn’t think-- not… not Jack, not _Jack_ , not _now_. He’d never forgive himself if it went badly. He’s not sure how it could go well.

 

    He’s flexible. He’s never thought about bottoming, exactly, no, but he’s flexible when it comes to who pins who down and who gets marked up a little, and if Jack ever wanted to, he’d welcome a little rough stuff, but he thinks maybe Jack should be in control of that, because Victor’s happy with anything, but Jack…

 

    _Jack_ …

 

    Jack likes _this_ , it’s written on his face when Victor’s eyes flutter open and his focus fixes on him once more, Jack wants _this_. Victor, the penetration, this… this thing that’s theirs, the new world they get to discover together between them, Jack is enjoying it. It feels so much better than anything else ever has, to be looked at the way Jack looks at him, wanted the way Jack wants him-- it means something that nothing else has meant. Victor has had good experiences, sure, things he’s treasured, things he wouldn’t trade, Victor likes who those experiences have shaped him into, or at least he mostly does, he thinks, but… but none of them have been _Jack_ , leaning back and spreading his legs and smiling that soft little smile. Joking with him like it could be easy to do this, and…

 

    And it is easy. They fit together, and there are sparks when their eyes meet and he crooks his finger just so and presses up nice and firm and sees the way Jack is affected, and there’s a sweetness in their joined hands, and the heat of Jack’s body, and the sweat gathering at the back of his knee where it’s thrown over Victor’s shoulder and their skin sticks a little sometimes until they shift and maybe it’s weird that he likes it, but he does. He likes the sounds Jack makes and the way that he breathes and the way that he trusts…

 

    It’s easy to get lost in the rhythm. It’s easy to get lost in watching Jack’s cock harden and then start to drip, it’s easy to get lost in watching the shift of pleasure across his face, it’s easy to get lost in watching his own finger buried deep, the slick pink ring of muscle close around it, sometimes twitching or tightening.

 

    “Is this good? Would you want me? I mean-- you’d want me to, next time? With more lube?” He pulls out and works a little more of it in, just to keep everything they’re doing moving nice and smooth.

 

    “Yes… _yes_.”

 

    “Jack, I-- oh, look at you… Jack, I’ve-- You--”

 

    “Victor, I want that… I want you _now_ , I’ll want you…”

 

    “I just want to be good to you. You don’t know how long I’ve wanted that…” He releases Jack’s hand, reaching forward to touch his face. “I still remember the very first time you touched me. Your hand on my shoulder, and-- and I turned and saw you smile, and-- I know you don’t remember…”

 

    “We were in the ER. We didn’t shake hands when we met… because we were doing scut work and you were taking a sample down to the lab and I was-- I remember.” He beckons Victor to lean in closer, cupping his cheek in return, hand sliding up into his hair. “Victor, _Victor_ , I do…”

 

    “Didn’t mean anything to you then.” He blushes. He can’t really imagine, not when Jack was married, that he was capable of noticing him. Maybe he would have noticed and not cared if someone was stunningly attractive, but he couldn’t have noticed much about Victor, not in that sense.

 

    “I remember… because of how surprised you looked. And how you grinned at me. Whatever I did to make you smile, I thought it was a shame you’d be surprised about it… I didn’t know what you’d-- oh, honey, like that-- what you’d be to me, but I wanted to make you happy. Even just if you were... someone-- we could've been friends, or-- I still did...”

 

    “I’m happy now.” He leans further forward, brings their mouths together. The slow dance of their lips and the way Jack draws Victor’s tongue into his mouth… the soft, lazy heat of it. Maybe it doesn’t feel that way on Jack’s end, but for Victor it’s all a gentle haze. His physical arousal has an ebb and flow as he focuses on Jack, doesn’t bother with touching himself, but mentally he’s never been on a plane like this one.

 

    He guesses the closest was figuring out kinks for himself, the level of mental arousal in just puzzling through the things he was realizing he liked, even without _doing_ them.

 

    He does wonder what they might be able to _enjoy_ together someday. For now, though, just this…

 

    It’s so like that feeling, to be doing this. To see how much Jack is affected while being affected so little, relatively speaking. Having that power over him, not even because he’s pinning him down-- not that, not that-- or tying him up, but because he’s offering him something that he can’t do without. Because he’s providing a pleasure Jack craves so badly he wouldn’t think of _not_ giving himself over.

 

    “I’m happy.” Jack smiles against his lips, and Victor nips at him gently.

 

    “Good.”

 

    “You make me happy.”

 

    “You make _me_ happy.” He echoes.

 

    “Kiss me?”

 

    “Uh-huh.” Victor says, and then he takes Victor’s glasses away and their mouths fit together again, and everything else in the world falls away. It’s just this, until they have to break, draw breath, rest their lips a little.

 

    Jack’s holding onto his hand again, so tight, and nothing else matters. He’s got him all but folded in half to be able to kiss like that, but Jack doesn’t seem to have any complaints. Still…

 

    “Feeling good?”

 

    “You gotta let me come…” Jack groans.

 

    “I’m not stopping you.” Victor gives him an extra firm stroke to illustrate.

 

    “ _Victor_ … I feel like I’ve been having a ten minute orgasm… you-- you’ve gotta get me off, I can’t keep doing this.”

 

    Victor’s jaw goes slack. “It’s that good the whole time?”

 

    “It’s… a lot.” Jack nods, and he is leaking a lot of fluid, is definitely rock hard. and glowing with perspiration, and flushed and… oh, and gorgeous. And his whole body heaves with it, once, as Victor can’t help a little more massaging. He’s not sure if he’s supposed to stop or not-- just add in a handjob to what he’s already doing? Go faster? Harder? He feels like he’s as firm as he can be with it, as he ought to be, and certainly he’d never do anything to hurt him, he just wants to give him what he needs.

 

    And a few other things that don’t bear thinking about tonight. Victor thinks of them anyway, even trying to stay in the moment. His own cock doesn’t know whether to twitch back to life or wilt further.

 

    “Okay, baby.” He whispers, and he adds in a teasingly light stroke to Jack’s cock, drinking in the reaction like a man in the desert. “Come for me…”

 

    It’s like nothing else, it really is. Jack makes a sound Victor’s never heard him make for direct stimulation to the cock alone, and he just means to ease him all the way through to the end of it, except then Jack’s coming _again_ , like the floodgates have been opened, and there’s another sound that goes directly to Victor’s cock when he withdraws his finger at last, and Jack…

 

    Wow.

 

    Just _looking_ at him after, slick and wet and not gaping, but… but just a little open in the aftermath, just a little bit, and Victor never knew how much that would do to him, but he looks so…

 

    A sick feeling goes through him and he rejects the word ‘used’. Not _used_ , that’s not… No.

 

    He doesn’t like _that_ thought. He doesn’t want Jack to feel used, he doesn’t want…

 

    “I love you. Okay?” He says, and Jack touches his face again, gentle.

 

    “Very okay. I love you.”

 

    “It’s just…” Victor strips out of the glove, tosses it, inside out, towards the wastebasket. He tries to make himself small as he curls up at Jack’s side, but he’s too big for small. “Jack, I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

 

    “I know.” Jack shifts a little, with Victor’s head tucked right up under his arm, so that he can get him up on his shoulder instead, so that he can stroke his hair. “You didn’t hurt me.”

 

    “No, I know-- I know that didn’t hurt, I mean-- I just mean I never would. And I think about holding you down sometimes, but I wouldn’t!”

 

    There’s a long pause, and Victor squeezes his eyes shut and burrows into the crook of Jack’s neck.

 

    “Oh.” Jack says softly.

 

    “I wouldn’t.”

 

    “Victor… it’s okay.”

 

    “No it’s not.”

 

    “What do you think about, when you think about holding me down? What do you like about it?”

 

    “I don’t like it, I don’t mean to think about it!”

 

    “Just tell me what you think about when you think about it.”

 

    Victor winds his arm around him, wraps one leg around him, is pressed so close, and is in no mood to enjoy having his cock right up against Jack’s hip.

 

    “Just how it feels with you. You do feel like finding something new. And you’re important to me. And… well, Jack, I mean, I don’t-- Important things, to me, it… I lose things. I lose people. And the world’s so scary and unpredictable, and loving you’s so-- But it feels good, when it’s… When I think about it, and it’s not like we’re fighting. It’s just… I just need you to be mine and I want to take care of you, I don’t want to think about… I don’t want to think about you being held down, Jack.”

 

    “Isn’t it different if you’re doing the holding?”

 

    “Is it?”

 

    Jack rolls him gently onto his back, trailing a hand down his chest, light. “Yeah. Ask me before you start, but I mean… you can think about it whenever you want. Look, I might… I might not always want that. But if we were having sex and you’re on top of me, maybe you take my hands and you hold them up above my head, and that’s…” He licks his lips. “That’s good.”

 

    He reawakens all of Victor’s arousal, kissing him, wrapping a sure hand around him.

 

    “Tell me about it, baby, tell me how-- how you would-- Tell me?”

 

    “You’ll get me relaxed, like tonight. We’ll laugh. You’ll stretch me a little. It’s going to feel so good. We’ll remember how much fun we had the first time, and we’ll know how much better it’s about to be. Face to face. We’ll kiss. And I’ll wrap my legs around you, and you’ll be inside me.” Jack says, and his voice is soft, but it doesn’t waver on anything. “It’s going to be so much better… Victor, you’re going to feel so _big_.”

 

    “That’s a good thing, right?”

 

    Jack nods, kisses him again. “And you’re going to say ‘baby, give me your hands’... and I’m going to, ‘cause I’d do pretty much anything when you call me ‘baby’ in bed. And you’ll ask if it’s okay, and I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you that I want you to. You’re going to keep me safe, Victor. You’re going to hold me down where no-- where nothing else can touch me. You’re going to hold me so tight that nothing could ever take me from you, and nothing will. Isn’t that right?”

 

    Victor nods, breathless and eager, and Jack keeps going slow and steady with him.

 

    “You’ll make me feel safe. You’ll make me feel good. It’s okay to want that… I think I understand, and I think I-- I think I like that idea. Just being yours…”

 

    “We can do it the other way around, too. I mean, I’m yours.”

 

    “We will. No rough stuff, just… just a little of how it feels to be under you. Just how good it is, together. And I’ll give you that feeling, too. Any time you need it.”

 

    He makes it sound so easy. Could it be? Could they really just feel _secure_ like that? Could Jack be happy, not feel debased or unmanned, but treasured? Victor just wants to treasure him, really, but… could it really be as simple as doing it?

 

    This time, he doesn’t pull back from imagining it. Jack, lying beneath him, wrists pinned against the headboard, laughing at something Victor might have said, leaning up to kiss him. Wrapping his legs tighter around Victor’s waist if he starts to pull back, teasing… Only ever trying to get closer, not to get away, not wanting to get away because it’s them, the two of them, and they’re different, a brand new world.

 

    He comes hard, Jack’s hand around him, Jack’s lips against the shell of his ear, Jack’s perfect vision of what their future could be like, of being allowed this together, allowed to enjoy everything he could want.

 

    They clean up together, crowded in side by side at the bathroom sink, where Jack leans in to kiss his cheek and then he has to do the same, he has to.

 

    “I’m glad you’re moving in.” Jack smiles, resting their foreheads together, looping an arm around him. “I want you with me every night.”

 

    “Sure, you’ve tasted these magic hands, and now you can’t get enough.”

 

    “Oh, I don’t know if I could handle the full power of those magic hands every night.” He turns to get both arms around Victor’s waist, to pull him in close. “But I still want you. You’re my man, Victor Ehrlich.”

 

    “All yours. And you’re mine.” He relaxes, nuzzling into Jack. “I’ll take care of you. Promise. I’ll take care of you. I won’t let any-- I won’t let anything hurt you.”

 

    “Victor…”

 

    “No, I won’t. I-- _Please_ , Jack, let me just say I won’t. I love you too much.”

 

    He nods, just barely. “You’ll make me safe. I trust you.”

 

    Maybe there are things out there Victor _can’t_ help, but even so… having that profession of faith in him puts him back on top.

 

    “Okay, take me back to our bed.” He smiles.

 

    Jack obliges.


End file.
